he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize