i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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