K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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