Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
