I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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