I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
