Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
