The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
