Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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