What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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