Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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