I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want to be your penis for a week.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
