Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
