I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
