Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize