Banned from zoo.
Again?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
