Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
