:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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