I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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