Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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