I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
