please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize