My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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