He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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