Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
