It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
