We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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