hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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