'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish i was in the wii world.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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