i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
