That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
