she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
