I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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