I am in a vortex of obligation.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
