Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
