Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
