its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
