i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
