god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
