Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
