I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
