I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
