Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
