fuck your aforementioned shoe
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
