the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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