none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
