any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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