I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
