Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
