Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
