the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize