I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
