piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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