he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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