oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
