Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my liver is dry heaving
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize