Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
