Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
