I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
