he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
