Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
