There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
