Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
