TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
