I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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