Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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