I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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