somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
