I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
