apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
