I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
