God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
